We Eat Live Chickens

April 1, 2009

Strategy Briefing, White House, Washington DC

Recently elected President John McCain, (soon to be ex-president McCain), sits unmoving, paralyzed. His impairment the result of a recent aneurism, he waits quietly alone, his gray head tilted awkwardly to the right. As he attempts to move, his mototized wheelchair hums, then whispers. He is alone in a remote corner of the oversized office. He is drooling profusely. 

The defualt surrogate, Sarah Palin, the only sentient elected official, now acting-President pending a forthcoming public announcement regarding McCain's recent incapacity--known, intimately, as Sally to an affectionate few power brokers--has settled comfortably into an overstuffed 'presidential' chair, a leftover from the previous administration. Richard Cheney, recently promoted Chairman of the Boards of Haliburton, Exxon, AIG , Bank of America, News Corp, (and, oh, lest we forget, the former U.S. Vice President), shifts to and fro from one leg, to the other, in the center of the room.

A large, dimly illuminated portrait of former president George W. Bush hangs on the wall behind Cheney, (someone has unsuccessfully tried to peel the canvas off the backing...there are finger nail-like scratches across the face of the painting, and a heavy cluster of claw-marks partially reveal a solid black under-color in one corner of the painting).

Various cabinet officers and few, probably CIA operatives, whatever, in sunglasses and fedoras, (strange clone-like personages, oddly, Jack Abramoff look-alikes), stand around the room occasionally talking into their lapels.

Karl Rove, (a non-compensated advisor), is facing the recently divorced, about to be anointed new U.S. President, Sarah Palin. She is sitting directly across from Rove at a massive heavily stained marble, Corinthian style, conference table, (also a remnant from the former occupant's furniture collection).

Rove: "Sally...oh, forgive me, I meant to say Madame President. First of all let me congratulate you on your recent appointment to..."

Palin, (interrupting): "Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have worked so hard to honestly represent the values of America, our fatherland, well, maybe only the lower forty-eight."

Rove: "Ahhh, yes, well, you're welcome. I have called this meeting in anticipation of your upcoming announcement to the people of America--many of whom spoke in one voice--who elected us all; umm...I mean you and President McCain, of course, to serve our homeland indefinitely, as public servants."

Palin: "Yup. Yup. Thanks."

Rove (glancing furtively around the room): "In this meeting you will be briefed on the single most important, highly code-name classified, top secret type of thing, policy, okay, affecting your presidency."

Palin: "Yup. I'm ready." (she doesn't blink an eye). "I'm really, really ready."

Cheney (walks over, stands behind Rove): "Good. Listen carefully Sarah, this is important...you must tell no one. NO ONE AT ALL!" (Cheney raises his voice, the quasi scream sounds eerily like escaping steam hissing from an over pressurized boiler)

Rove: "Got that? It's important, to the faithful citizens of our beloved country you MUST offer a loving lie, and keep it secret, eternally...do you understand?"

Palin: "Yup. Yup" (she blinks rapid fire)

Rove (turning to Cheney): "Dick, I think it's time."

Cheney: "Yes, of course. You must know, Ms. Palin...others see this differently." (Cheney turns, faces away from the group and removes a black velvet cape and hood that has been covering his head, his face, shoulders with generous loose folds of opaque fabric draping all the way down his back, effectively covering his buttocks.)

Rove: "This may be startling, please take a deep breath, Madame President. But, in advance of this revelation you should know this government has not been headed by those who have been elected, but by shadows of humans of extreme power like Vice President Cheney."

Palin: "Gasp! But, but...I'm a Christian."

Cheney (whips around, his face now revealed in the bright light of the conference room's harsh fluorescent lighting. He shields his eyes from the glare): "Christian, yeah, right, so am I. But Ms. Palin WE are not pathetic humans at all. WE, the true controllers, are REPTILES! WE are above religion, above morality, above ethics...above the law."

Cheney's voice lowers becoming almost inaudible. Raspy sounds slither through his trademark crooked smile. The vestige of a red forked tongue flicks over thin, yet protruding, ruby-red lips smearing rouge into a hideous pig-like caricature of his former self. Illusionistically, his face appears covered with greenish yellow scales. Though extremely thick, his epidermis is not skin at all. Yellow eyed, instead of the non-lethal baby blue contacts he wore in public, his vertical slotted irises expand to sinister empty voids. 

Cheney stares directly at Palin. She is barely able to conceal an overwhelming orgasmic-like anesthesia washing over her trembling body.

Cheney: "So? Being Christian doesn't count. DO...YOU... UNDERSTAND!"

Palin : "YAAAAAAAUUUUU-PPPPPPPPPP! (she screams)

(To Be Continued)

G H DIEL

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